Before I begin writing this post, I want to give you a heads up as to what you may be in for with this blog. I will be jumping around with my timeline. Sometimes, we will jump down the rabbit hole into my childhood and others will be present day...
This past weekend I went to a concert with my friend. Initially when the concert was announced, I wanted to go but couldn't find anyone to go with me. Then my friend announced she was going and I jumped on that bandwagon. The headliner band that was playing was OneRepublic and I had a very good reason for wanting to go. At my mom's celebration of life, we played "I Lived".
Time to travel back two years....It is still a bit of a blur because of how quickly things happened, but one of the things that really sticks out for me is that my mom basically planned her own funeral while she was in the hospital. She didn't want anyone to be sad and she specifically stated that she wanted it to be a celebration. She had visions of top hats, feather boas, music, umbrellas, (yes, somewhat of a New Orlean's theme going on) and she specifically wanted "Life is a Highway" which we played. She wanted dancing, smiles and a celebration of everything. She told me everything was going to be ok....
I don't know how many of you have had the honour of planning a funeral/celebration of life. In the days after her passing, I barely slept and the planning of this wonderful event was what helped me keep things together. I am fortunate to have an aunt who is an amazing public speaker and was honoured to take on the roll of the officiant. I have a talented cousin who played and sang music during the ceremony. And I have another amazing aunt and uncle who put together a great slide show capturing my mom's life. (I also have other amazing family and friends who helped during this time as well and appreciate everything they did to make this day amazing). Anyways, my aunt and uncle had picked some pretty great music for the slide show but it just didn't feel right...it was sad and mom wanted a celebration...then I stumbled upon "I Lived" by OneRepublic.
The first two lines of the song "Hope when you take that jump/ You don't feel the fall" felt so perfect. The chorus of "I...I did it all" described my mom to a "t". I see the song as a beautiful celebration of overcoming obstacles and celebrating your life.
See, I believe that we are all here to teach one another lessons and to learn lessons from one another. My mom taught me so many lessons over her life (and I'm sure I taught her some as well) but the biggest and most hardest lesson of all has been to live without her. She loved me and my family so much. She never re-married but she made her family the loves of her life. She travelled to the places she wanted to go and was always ready for an adventure. She was there for me when my daughter was born and she was there for me when my heart was crushed. So for me, this song has become my mom's anthem.
For the past two years, I have had this song on my iPhone and every time it came up, I would only listen to a bit before I become tearful. I've tried to sing along to it but it caught in my throat....going to the concert, I got to experience the powerful message of the song live. The tears did fall (just as they are now while writing this). Something has shifted though since going to the concert....the song came on my iPod today and I listened to it in its entirety. I teared up a bit but was able to get things back under control. Today...today I made the decision that I want this song to also be my anthem. I want to be able to say to my kids "I lived!" and wasn`t held back.
Wednesday, 23 August 2017
Friday, 18 August 2017
What is in a name?
So....why the Sole Child?
My original gut was to go with the name Onlythe(L)Only to describe the loneliness encountered by only children after they lose their parents. There were only two problems with this name. First, the format was not accepted as a domain name. Second, when I removed the brackets, the name was already taken.
I moved onto my second choice....OnlytheOnly. Again - taken!
So where does a creative mom go to find a new name for a blog go? Why searching for synonyms of "only child" on Google and bam! I found "Sole Child". Before I got too excited, I had to check to ensure that the name would work when I plugged it into the "create a new blog" area and it wasn't taken. I was in luck. I decided to scoop it up and claim it as my own.
See, I love the idea of Sole Child. I love the play on words with this and especially for this format. For me, the current spelling it symbolizes being an only child for me. I also love that it plays well into the homonym of Soul. I have been on a soul/sole journey since experiencing the tsunami of loss and finding my new normal.
So please join me on my sole/soul journey! It may be a rambling one but it is mine.
My original gut was to go with the name Onlythe(L)Only to describe the loneliness encountered by only children after they lose their parents. There were only two problems with this name. First, the format was not accepted as a domain name. Second, when I removed the brackets, the name was already taken.
I moved onto my second choice....OnlytheOnly. Again - taken!
So where does a creative mom go to find a new name for a blog go? Why searching for synonyms of "only child" on Google and bam! I found "Sole Child". Before I got too excited, I had to check to ensure that the name would work when I plugged it into the "create a new blog" area and it wasn't taken. I was in luck. I decided to scoop it up and claim it as my own.
See, I love the idea of Sole Child. I love the play on words with this and especially for this format. For me, the current spelling it symbolizes being an only child for me. I also love that it plays well into the homonym of Soul. I have been on a soul/sole journey since experiencing the tsunami of loss and finding my new normal.
So please join me on my sole/soul journey! It may be a rambling one but it is mine.
Welcome!
Today is the start of a new path for me...a new growth...and hopefully a new healing....
I feel like I need to introduce myself (kind of like at the first day of school)...Hi! My name is Tara. I'm a Tar-ah not a Tear-ah. I am an only child who grew up in a single parent household. Yes, I struggled with all of the same greatness that all only children do as they grow up. I am also a mom of two children. I have to tell you...this is a whole new world for me now. Because I was an only, I have no idea how siblings are supposed to get along. My once quiet existence is now covered with love and chaos. I will explore this thought maybe another day because right now, I am busy introducing myself.
Two years ago my life was turned upside down. Remember how I told you that I was the only child of a single parent? That parent happened to be my mom. We were the dynamic duo together. We always went on trips together. She lived with us after she sold her retirement house. She was always there. Then came the day she wasn't.
I was lucky because my mom and dad both came from large families (I think my grandparents populated central and northern Alberta!). I had family who offered to take me in now that I was parent-less and be that family for me. One of these family members who spoke up was my aunt who I adored and always secretly thought growing up should have been my mom.
Unfortunately, only about two months after losing my mom, I lost my aunt to depression. It tore me apart and broke the fragile putbacktogetherness I had started to create after losing my mom.
As if that wasn't enough of a blow to my family and I, we lost my mother-in-law a few short months later. It seemed that all these pivotal female members of our family were suddenly gone. I felt lost and utterly alone. There are still days that I feel this way and this is the reason I am starting this blog.
I felt (and still feel) too young to be mother-less and take on the matriarchal role in my family. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice but to shoulder this role and I tell ya, in the beginning, it was a very heavy and demanding role to take on.
Before, during and after all this loss, I searched for help with healing and grieving. I spoke to a psychologist while my mom was in the hospital and felt like I wasn't heard or understood. I searched for books that dealt specifically with the loss that I was feeling. I attended a grief class to help address what had happened and it may have been too soon to go. I tried to speak openly about what happened but realized it shocked too many people. I tried to keep it all in and found it just didn't work for me.
So what did work....discovering a tribe of amazing friends who helped me realize that I wasn't facing the same issues alone and cheersing to that! I also have some amazing family who check in with me on a regular basis to make sure I am ok and make me feel loved and a little less alone.
It has been a little over two years now since I experienced this loss and I am still on a path of acceptance and healing for all of the loss that I encountered during that short six month blip of time.
Recently, I have been thinking that I can't be the only child out there who has experienced the loss of their parent and the profound impact it has on your life. Since I wasn't able to find a book about it, I have decided to write about it in hopes that maybe my story can help someone else who may face a similar situation. So sit back, relax (or sometimes fasten your seatbelts) as I explore my path to a new normal.
Today is the start of a new path for me...a new growth...and hopefully a new healing....
I feel like I need to introduce myself (kind of like at the first day of school)...Hi! My name is Tara. I'm a Tar-ah not a Tear-ah. I am an only child who grew up in a single parent household. Yes, I struggled with all of the same greatness that all only children do as they grow up. I am also a mom of two children. I have to tell you...this is a whole new world for me now. Because I was an only, I have no idea how siblings are supposed to get along. My once quiet existence is now covered with love and chaos. I will explore this thought maybe another day because right now, I am busy introducing myself.
Two years ago my life was turned upside down. Remember how I told you that I was the only child of a single parent? That parent happened to be my mom. We were the dynamic duo together. We always went on trips together. She lived with us after she sold her retirement house. She was always there. Then came the day she wasn't.
I was lucky because my mom and dad both came from large families (I think my grandparents populated central and northern Alberta!). I had family who offered to take me in now that I was parent-less and be that family for me. One of these family members who spoke up was my aunt who I adored and always secretly thought growing up should have been my mom.
Unfortunately, only about two months after losing my mom, I lost my aunt to depression. It tore me apart and broke the fragile putbacktogetherness I had started to create after losing my mom.
As if that wasn't enough of a blow to my family and I, we lost my mother-in-law a few short months later. It seemed that all these pivotal female members of our family were suddenly gone. I felt lost and utterly alone. There are still days that I feel this way and this is the reason I am starting this blog.
I felt (and still feel) too young to be mother-less and take on the matriarchal role in my family. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice but to shoulder this role and I tell ya, in the beginning, it was a very heavy and demanding role to take on.
Before, during and after all this loss, I searched for help with healing and grieving. I spoke to a psychologist while my mom was in the hospital and felt like I wasn't heard or understood. I searched for books that dealt specifically with the loss that I was feeling. I attended a grief class to help address what had happened and it may have been too soon to go. I tried to speak openly about what happened but realized it shocked too many people. I tried to keep it all in and found it just didn't work for me.
So what did work....discovering a tribe of amazing friends who helped me realize that I wasn't facing the same issues alone and cheersing to that! I also have some amazing family who check in with me on a regular basis to make sure I am ok and make me feel loved and a little less alone.
It has been a little over two years now since I experienced this loss and I am still on a path of acceptance and healing for all of the loss that I encountered during that short six month blip of time.
Recently, I have been thinking that I can't be the only child out there who has experienced the loss of their parent and the profound impact it has on your life. Since I wasn't able to find a book about it, I have decided to write about it in hopes that maybe my story can help someone else who may face a similar situation. So sit back, relax (or sometimes fasten your seatbelts) as I explore my path to a new normal.
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