Welcome!

Today is the start of a new path for me...a new growth...and hopefully a new healing....

I feel like I need to introduce myself (kind of like at the first day of school)...Hi!  My name is Tara.  I'm a Tar-ah not a Tear-ah.  I am an only child who grew up in a single parent household.  Yes, I struggled with all of the same greatness that all only children do as they grow up.  I am also a mom of two children.  I have to tell you...this is a whole new world for me now.  Because I was an only, I have no idea how siblings are supposed to get along.  My once quiet existence is now covered with love and chaos.  I will explore this thought maybe another day because right now, I am busy introducing myself.

Two years ago my life was turned upside down.  Remember how I told you that I was the only child of a single parent?  That parent happened to be my mom.  We were the dynamic duo together.  We always went on trips together.  She lived with us after she sold her retirement house.  She was always there.  Then came the day she wasn't. 

I was lucky because my mom and dad both came from large families (I think my grandparents populated central and northern Alberta!).  I had family who offered to take me in now that I was parent-less and be that family for me.  One of these family members who spoke up was my aunt who I adored and always secretly thought growing up should have been my mom.

Unfortunately, only about two months after losing my mom, I lost my aunt to depression.  It tore me apart and broke the fragile putbacktogetherness I had started to create after losing my mom.

As if that wasn't enough of a blow to my family and I, we lost my mother-in-law a few short months later.  It seemed that all these pivotal female members of our family were suddenly gone.  I felt lost and utterly alone.  There are still days that I feel this way and this is the reason I am starting this blog.

I felt (and still feel) too young to be mother-less and take on the matriarchal role in my family.  Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice but to shoulder this role and I tell ya, in the beginning, it was a very heavy and demanding role to take on.

Before, during and after all this loss, I searched for help with healing and grieving.  I spoke to a psychologist while my mom was in the hospital and felt like I wasn't heard or understood.  I searched for books that dealt specifically with the loss that I was feeling.  I attended a grief class to help address what had happened and it may have been too soon to go.  I tried to speak openly about what happened but realized it shocked too many people.  I tried to keep it all in and found it just didn't work for me.

So what did work....discovering a tribe of amazing friends who helped me realize that I wasn't facing the same issues alone and cheersing to that!  I also have some amazing family who check in with me on a regular basis to make sure I am ok and make me feel loved and a little less alone.

It has been a little over two years now since I experienced this loss and I am still on a path of acceptance and healing for all of the loss that I encountered during that short six month blip of time. 

Recently, I have been thinking that I can't be the only child out there who has experienced the loss of their parent and the profound impact it has on your life.  Since I wasn't able to find a book about it, I have decided to write about it in hopes that maybe my story can help someone else who may face a similar situation.  So sit back, relax (or sometimes fasten your seatbelts) as I explore my path to a new normal.