Before I begin writing this post, I want to give you a heads up as to what you may be in for with this blog. I will be jumping around with my timeline. Sometimes, we will jump down the rabbit hole into my childhood and others will be present day...
This past weekend I went to a concert with my friend. Initially when the concert was announced, I wanted to go but couldn't find anyone to go with me. Then my friend announced she was going and I jumped on that bandwagon. The headliner band that was playing was OneRepublic and I had a very good reason for wanting to go. At my mom's celebration of life, we played "I Lived".
Time to travel back two years....It is still a bit of a blur because of how quickly things happened, but one of the things that really sticks out for me is that my mom basically planned her own funeral while she was in the hospital. She didn't want anyone to be sad and she specifically stated that she wanted it to be a celebration. She had visions of top hats, feather boas, music, umbrellas, (yes, somewhat of a New Orlean's theme going on) and she specifically wanted "Life is a Highway" which we played. She wanted dancing, smiles and a celebration of everything. She told me everything was going to be ok....
I don't know how many of you have had the honour of planning a funeral/celebration of life. In the days after her passing, I barely slept and the planning of this wonderful event was what helped me keep things together. I am fortunate to have an aunt who is an amazing public speaker and was honoured to take on the roll of the officiant. I have a talented cousin who played and sang music during the ceremony. And I have another amazing aunt and uncle who put together a great slide show capturing my mom's life. (I also have other amazing family and friends who helped during this time as well and appreciate everything they did to make this day amazing). Anyways, my aunt and uncle had picked some pretty great music for the slide show but it just didn't feel right...it was sad and mom wanted a celebration...then I stumbled upon "I Lived" by OneRepublic.
The first two lines of the song "Hope when you take that jump/ You don't feel the fall" felt so perfect. The chorus of "I...I did it all" described my mom to a "t". I see the song as a beautiful celebration of overcoming obstacles and celebrating your life.
See, I believe that we are all here to teach one another lessons and to learn lessons from one another. My mom taught me so many lessons over her life (and I'm sure I taught her some as well) but the biggest and most hardest lesson of all has been to live without her. She loved me and my family so much. She never re-married but she made her family the loves of her life. She travelled to the places she wanted to go and was always ready for an adventure. She was there for me when my daughter was born and she was there for me when my heart was crushed. So for me, this song has become my mom's anthem.
For the past two years, I have had this song on my iPhone and every time it came up, I would only listen to a bit before I become tearful. I've tried to sing along to it but it caught in my throat....going to the concert, I got to experience the powerful message of the song live. The tears did fall (just as they are now while writing this). Something has shifted though since going to the concert....the song came on my iPod today and I listened to it in its entirety. I teared up a bit but was able to get things back under control. Today...today I made the decision that I want this song to also be my anthem. I want to be able to say to my kids "I lived!" and wasn`t held back.
❤️
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